Friday, 19 June 2009

Summer Holidays

I love the summer holidays, for me it's school days that cause me a headache. Jack is not a school lover, but he loves the freedom of the summer holidays and if I'm honest I love that freedom too.

As a life coach I know that the summer holidays can cause a great deal of stress for many parents. The thought of having to find alternative care or entertain your kids during the summer.

We often don't have the same family support systems as older generations had. Parenting these days can often be a lonely, stressful and confusing, with so many parenting shows and books all giving you conflicting advice.

Parenting is different for everyone, no two children are the same and no one way of parenting is right for all children. What is important is that you as a parent feel happy and confident.

Through my Parenting Life Coaching Programme I will work with you to put you in control and feel happy and confident in your parenting skills.

You can either go to my website and book my 1 month coaching programme, or you can email me directly to discuss a parenting package to suit you personally.

Wishing you all a fantastic summer


Wednesday, 3 June 2009

7 Ways to Soothe Your Shyness

7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained

Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

1) Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city.?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.

4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

5) Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

6) Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'

I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.

Overcome shyness now at

Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis

Monday, 1 June 2009

Plan To Have A Fantastic Month

Life Is Fantastic

Wow! today is the very first day of the month. Make June 1st the day that you decide you are going to have an amazing month.

That's right every single day of this month is going to be fantastic.

No matter what your current situation is I want you to take responsibility for your life RIGHT NOW, only you have the power to control how you feel, how you deal with what life throws at you. People often say that the rich and successful in the world have had good luck. They haven't they have simply made the best of every single situation.

Today I want to give you the power to be happy and successful.

Every morning when you wake up take a couple of minutes to really think about what you want from the day. Note I said what you WANT not what you don't want.

I want you to start with the following affirmation:

"Today is a great day, full of happiness. I am successful and talented. My life is amazing."

Say the affirmation outloud in front of the mirror if possible. Make it part of your daily routine. Brush your teeth and the say your affirmation outloud 3 times. Do it again before you go to bed and as you are drifting off to sleep.

Let's have a quick recap.

This is your affirmation (what you're going to say to yourself).

"Today is a great day, full of happiness. I am successful and talented. My life is amazing."

Say it to yourself:
  • As soon as you wake up at least 3 times and imagine how you want your day to be.
  • Repeat outloud in front of the mirror after brushing your teeth (3 times) Do it morning and evening.
  • Repeat as you are going to sleep and imagine your perfect day for the next day.

When affirmations are used consistently they are able to make amazing changes in your life.

Commit to following my suggestions every day during June.

You are amazing, get yourself an amazing life.

Have fun and enjoy

Wendy x

I use affirmations with success in my own life and with my clients during Life Skills Coaching sessions.